I’m not a relationship expert, so it’s funny that I choose to share my view on this topic, but I do find it immensely important. When we are in relationships where we feel loved and our deepest emotions are revealed, we are able to function in much better ways as a human being. That’s not to say there is anything wrong with choosing to be alone. Yet, wouldn’t it be interesting to move beyond statistics and numbers and to understand why do so many romantic relationships fail?
Mr. David Yeh Junior is a relationship specialist in Hong Kong can probably tell you a lot more about the underlying causes, the research that’s been done, and the best way to help you with your specific problem. As for me, without referencing any specific literature, I’d say most of us spend far too much time expecting more from others than from ourselves. What do I mean by this?
I might be disliked for calling it out, but women are particularly guilty of this. Women by nature are givers when there’s something “wrong” with a relationship we give and give and give, hoping to have our efforts reciprocated. Often, instead of getting what we’ve given we scare men away. More importantly though, and perhaps the root of the problem lies here, when the honeymoon period of a romance dies down, we become more expectant of certain gestures as opposed to approaching everything that is done with a heart of appreciation. Just think about it, if a man bought you flowers on a first date you would think he’s going out of his way to please you. You would appreciate the effort. Yet, the same man, if he was your husband for many years forgets to buy you flowers on a special occasion (unless it was previously agreed that he doesn’t need to), you would most likely freak out! Why? Because you’ve established an expectation.
We take people who are close to us for granted. It’s sad, but it’s true. Men do the same. They just show it differently. In fact, I’ve met women who have been in abusive relationships, and it all started with an unmet expectation. For example, a man is used to his partner cooking for him. If she is suddenly busy or decides to stop cooking for him altogether because she found a new hobby, he may lash out with anger outbursts that eventually lead to physical abuse (after a longer period of time). It’s an excuse for deeper issues that the man may be experiencing, but it all started with an expectation that the woman would cook dinner.
Human relationships are a complicated topic. The habitual patterns and behaviours between males and females are even more complicated. If you’re having difficulty in your romantic relationship, perhaps it’s time to seek the help of an expert.
Judy Wong
Writer, Speaker and Lifestyle Coach